Players Barely Beat Parents in Big Battle for Bragging Rights

May 19, 2023 – Dublin Scioto High School: On a sunny Thursday evening out on the varsity field, a full strength Dublin Scioto team took advantage of a depleted group of parents, assorted family members, and friends (and quite possibly a few random people had to be given cash payments to come off the streets to help.)  But the brave Parents team refused to give up, when any other team would have forfeited immediately in the face of such adversity.

And fight the Parents did! The solid and battle-tested Irish players, coming off a successful season with their skills sharpened, barely squeaked by with a 25-9 win over the ragtag — and some might say old and pathetic (I wouldn’t say that. But some might) — Parents team late in the game.

As the sun was not yet in the eyes of the Scioto women, the Parents pulled ahead of their unscrupulous and exploitative adversaries by 3-2 in the second inning.

By the third inning, the Parents team was ahead 9-5, thanks to a 3-run dinger by Mr. Magnussen which put the valiant underdogs up 9-5.

However, the Dublin Scioto squad had taken enough punishment from the Parents team and resorted to trickery to win the game. They started hitting the ball away from the Parents and deep into the outfield. Which is completely unfair.

Bella Jauregui got the win for the Scioto team. The fireballer showed no mercy on the rubber, mowing down old and young alike with precision and tenacity She walked one and struck out one. Some of the Parents team spotted pine tar on her pitching hand, but that could not be confirmed by the umpire (Coach Bell, of all people!) who was barely paying attention to the game and may have possibly received payment by the Scioto squad.

Mrs. Magnussen took the loss for the Parents. The bulldog went the full 6 innings. She gave up 25 runs, walked none and struck out two. Her hopes and dreams were dashed and she most likely drank herself to sleep while crying in her pillow after the loss.

Parents and their children were gunning for each other during the game. Mr. Clark snatched what surely would have been a home run by Abbi Clark, from second base, when he leapt 18 feet into the air to grab the ball in flight. Mr. Jackson nearly threw out Sophia Jackson from LEFT FIELD before she made it to first. Leah Matter tagged her brother extremely hard, with unknown intentions, but ended up dropping the ball and allowing him to reach second.

When the Scioto team finally pulled ahead, they decided to get even more sneaky. They switched from their regular hitting from the opposite side –  right-handed batters hitting left-handed and such – to gain an even greater unfair advantage.

It was a dark day for the Parents team as they limped home to nurse their wounds. But they can be proud of their determination to keep fighting in the face of an “inferior” opponent… who “allegedly” resorted to “unethical” tactics to narrowly squeak by an impressive and undaunted group of “supposed” loved ones.

Final note – always keep this in mind. History isn’t written by the winner every time. Occasionally, it’s written by the guy with the website…